We FADE IN on a two-shot featuring Jascinta Adams and Mean Machine
sitting in nondescript padded chairs on either side of a coffee table.
The set has the feel of a slightly scruffy morning talk show, complete
with a couple of obviously plastic potted plants for “atmosphere.”
Jascinta Adams: Hello and welcome to “Inside WUW,” where we get up close and
personal with the top talents and rising stars of the federation. My
guest tonight is a talented new addition to the roster, Mean Machine.
Thanks for taking the time for this interview…er… should I call you Mr.
Machine?
Mean Machine: Please, Mr.Machine is my father. [grins[
Call me Mean. In fact, you can call me anything you want, sweetcheeks.
[he leers a bit] Call me anytime, too.
Jascinta Adams: [clearly uncomfortable] Uh, ooohkay. [recovering] So tell us, Mean, where did you get your training?
Mean Machine: I trained in Japan under the great Super Strong Machine. He’s
been everyplace and done everything there is to do over there, so it was
a real honor for him to take me on as a student. I’d lived over there
for years as a kid because my dad was in Naval Intelligence, so I spoke
pretty fluent Japanese. I’m convinced that’s what really broke the ice
between us.
Jascinta Adams: What was it like learning the business in Japan? Especially as an American.
Mean Machine: [Laughs] Lemme tell you, it was capital-R ROUGH. Guys over
here think they train hard? Bah! Try putting in a twelve hour day
getting the crap kicked out of you, and then cleaning up the dojo for
two more hours before you get to go home. If you’d don’t end up in the
hospital, it toughens you up alright.
Jascinta Adams: Your style in the ring has been called “brutal,” “ruthless,” and even “sadistic.” Why?
Mean Machine: Why do people say that about me or why do I wrestle that way?
People say I’m a sadistic (censored) because I fight to win. Period. Step
in the ring with me and you are my enemy. You’re in my way. If I break
your arm or leg or crush a vertebrae or two, you’re no longer a threat.
If you’re scared about that kind of thing happening to you, it makes you
a less effective fighter. Advantage: Mean Machine.
[He grins
alarmingly] Also, I really do just like to hurt people. I really enjoy
it, and I’m really good at it. So why not indulge my craving when the
opportunity presents itself?
Jascinta Adams: Is it true you ended a man’s career recently?
Mean Machine: Yep. I forget the kid’s name, but he was one of those
spotmonkey types, always bouncing all over the place like a damn
superball. He thought he was hot stuff, but challenged him a whole bunch
of times and beat him like a red-headed stepchild.
Then he took the
local championship belt from the punk who’d been keeping it warm for me
and made the mistake of calling me out. “Come and take it,” he says,
and he texts me “UR gay.” THAT was a mistake. At the big title match I
debuted a new trademark hold that I hadn’t used since my days in Japan,
and the Despicable Death Grip not only won me the gold, it fractured his
jaw in three places.
Last I heard of the kid he either shaved his
head and moved to Tibet to be some kinda monk or he’s working down south
under a hood as “El Bombastico.” I forget which. Either way, I think I
made my point, which is that if you want to talk smack about me you
better be able to back it up in the ring or you’re going to get busted
up something terrible.
Jascinta Adams: What made you decide to leave Japan?
Mean Machine: It wasn’t just one thing. I was bored with the super-serious
puroresu attitude. Too many of the boys take things as serious as a
heart attack. Never any fun, never any sense of humor, those guys.
Plus
I accidentally cracked the skull of a guy who turned out to have some
pretty heavy yakuza connections. Honestly, if your head is so soft it
can’t stand up to a simple unprotected chairshot or three, you need to
find a different line of work, am I right? Anyhow, It seemed like a good
time for a change of scene.
Jascinta Adams:[slightly appalled] So how did you end up signing with WUW?
Mean Machine: Well, I’d busted about all the heads there were to bust on the
indy circuit, and I was looking for a challenge. I also heard that your
GM Danny Dewildt was looking to shake things up around here and maybe
bring in some new blood. We took a meeting, he offered me a fat
contract, and now here I am shooting the breeze with WUW’s loveliest mic
stand. Life is good.
Jascinta Adams: [relieved] Well, we’re about out of time. Thanks for…
Mean Machine: One more thing, Mel. I’d like to say something to all the boys
watching this in the back. Watch your step. I’m still the new boy in
town and I don’t have any heat with anybody yet, You want to keep it
that way. Guys who cross me get hurt. They get hurt very badly indeed.
Don’t be that guy.
Thanks for joining us on “Iniside WUW.” I’m Jascinta Adams saying, See you next time!
Jascinta Adams: [crossly] HEY! I’m supposed to read that part!
Mean Machine shrugs and smirks into the camera as the theme music comes up and we FADE OUT.
Tue Mar 29, 2011 2:50 am
